Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
