i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
