haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
