I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize