You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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