I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
