My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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