Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
