You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
