please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
