okay pat passed out under dana's car
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm at about main and main street
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
