We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
