I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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