Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I cockslap morals
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
