The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
