gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize