maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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