I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
