everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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