She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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