He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
