Have you finally orgasmed yet?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need to align my fucking chakras
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
