if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
