dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
