how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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