The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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