I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
