i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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