how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
