don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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