My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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