there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
