I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
