I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
