Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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