i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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