im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
only you would photoshop your dick
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize