You really coming over, don't trick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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