I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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