We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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