i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
