I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
