If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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