why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
