did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
