We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
