Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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