Someone shit on the floor
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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