If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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