you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize