I wish I could teleport
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
