How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
