check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
