You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The uberlube is also flammable
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
