you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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