You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
