Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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