3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
