never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
