I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
