Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize