i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
