HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
