Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
