OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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