i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
