Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
