Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
