508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
