How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize