I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
