we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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